Neighbourhood Watch and Fixing my street.

I had a bit of an Online disagreement last night.
Someone asked the question would I shop someone for having no Car Tax?

In short, not really same as I wouldn't skank anyone for doing the odd private job.

The Bottom Line is Im not too impressed with HM Government, and I think I can spend my Money in a more responsible manner than they seem to manage.

They get way too much of my hard earned as is (and By fuck do I earn it) and they don't tap the big Kids enough for my liking either.

ANPR equipped Police the DVLA and Local authorities sort out VED dodgers anyway. So I begrudgingly Pay my Road Rent (Should go on Petrol anyway... that way everyone pays a fair share)

But anyway back on to reporting tax dodgers etc which brings me neatly round to Fix my Street.

I wont share the link but Google it, It makes interesting reading...

The Gist of the site is it is a place to report all sorts of local problems , things like Fly tipping, dangerous paving slabs broken Lamp posts, that short of Shizzle.

Being a Sad bastard I enjoy reading through these things occasionally. Part taking an interest in my local area and part laughing at the Pathetic Trivia that people feel the need to report.

Unfortunately these sorts of sites tend to attract a certain sort of Person.
We don't have the background why but these people serial post. I have one in my local area, you will have one in yours Guaranteed.
Maybe they are bored , Maybe they think it will make the world a better place , and just maybe their loved one ran off with a Council worker.
They will patrol they will make notes they will take pictures.
I will give you some made up examples, just to give you the flavour.

There has been an old sofa outside number 34 for almost a week now, It is making the street look untidy.

A paving slab is slighty wobbly on Juniper Street , I reported this in Yesterday and am yet to see any Progress.
Does someone need to Die before you respond?????

There is 2 untaxed vehicles in the Front Garden of Number 67, It Is making the Road Look like a Scrapyard.

Mr Patel at No 37 is leaving his Wheelie Bin Out a day early blocking the pavement and attracting Vermin. THIS IS A HEALTH HAZARD!

Mrs Jones Bush is Unkempt, and Twigs are dropping Out, I don't know why I bother reporting these things, the council never do anything.!!!!!!!!!??!

A Serial Poster will bang all these reports out in the course of a Week, and here is my theory in posters like this.
I will personify the serial Poster and on this occasion we will give her a name , my serial poster is Jeanette.

Reading through my local area I have a mental Picture of Jeanette.
She has many Cats cos she is lonely, and she probably drove a Volvo 343 until her eyesight started to fail.
She makes cakes for the WI that everybody secretly dreads receiving cos they have cat Hairs in them.

Jeanette is a Widow, Albert Gassed himself in the Volvo to get away from her.

Albert spent his later years cowering in the relative haven in his allotment shed with the odd snifter from a Bottle of Brandy and His Pipe for Company. (Jeanette wouldn't let him smoke it in the House ...or Outside the House... or in the Street for that matter as it made the street look like a place of ill repute besides smoking will kill you yadda yadda).

On the night that Albert took his life, in an cruel and unnoticed twist of irony as he tapped out His Pipe for the last time... Garden hose poked through the crack in the window.
He mumbled his last words as he flicked the ignition and sat back "Bloody woman always needs to be right" Yup Smoking would be the death of Albert for sure!

So without Albert around to moan about and disparage every day, Jeanette goes down to Lidls for Catfood, Notepad in hand.
...and after Maud (Previously) at the WIs Grandson showed her the internet, she takes her notepad and diligently reports any happenings via Mauds Grandson.
Mauds Grandson Then types this in begrudgingly for her, secretly hoping the cats conspire and smother her in her sleep.

Maud is Jeanettes only Friend, and has no idea that Jeanette was the ringleader in the Outing of Maud, and this resulted in the ultimate expulsion of Maud from the WI...for daring to use a A Square cake tin of Illegal proportions in the annual WI bakeoff.



I may be wrong mind...

Laters M

Is there an age limit on Cool?

Well if there is I am Uberfucked.

So what's brought this on?  Oh a couple of events in recent years.

Example one, Going to see a band I was into back in the day, This case It was a band that had reformed called Neds Atomic Dustbin.

They were a Hip and happening Indie band in the late 80s early 90s and then the disappeared.

The last time I went to a Gig like this was back in the day so being an old fart of 40 something I thought , yup why not when they reformed.

I remembered all the young sweating skinny Grebo kids jumping about in the pit, and the Rosetints in my mind said WHY the FUCK NOT.

Sure enough If I closed my eyes the band still had it and if you squinted they still sort of had that visual impact of a few angry young men playing Loud music.

and then I focused a bit more. Like me, everyone in that room had grown up got crows feet and spread out a bit.

This made me feel relieved and a bit sad all in a heartbeat.

I felt a bit like the cure to eternal youth had suddenly reversed itself in a split second.
I saw fat sweaty balding people in band teeshirts Moshing G E N T L Y...

What did I expect? I don't really know, It was great to hear the band, really, don't get me wrong.

and I don't know why I was not prepared with what I saw but I found it depressing.

Now what I had planned.
Took me a while to get over that one.

I took a look at my self image(bad move)

I then realised Im still wearing pretty much the same shit I have worn since I was 16, Sure the leather Jacket has been retired (Although it will never be got rid of It still smells of patchouli oil, stale sweat, Beer and other past frivolities, I could find that jacket with a Blindfold) but I still am at my happiest in a Black band teeshirt * (see below notes on the rules of band teeshirts) Black Jeans or Combats and Converse or Boots.
I can be swayed into other clothing but its not as comfy on me and feels wrong.

Im guessing I must be the 80s equivalent of the Old Dudes I used to see in Demob Suits when I was a nipper. 
Yet I see nothing wrong with that.

Going on from that, There are some Old Dudes that will never be uncool.

Ed Roth for example, always and forever cool.
A Myriad of Rockstars  Ozzy, I Cant believe its not John Lydon, and Iggy. Old wrinkly and addled but cooler than Pingu's Pee pee.


So second example, I am car nut, Rods, Customs, Classics...the odd VW.
I tend to drive what I like and like what I drive...and befucked to anyone who don't get it. I build for my own amusement.

Marmite is always on the menu lets say.

Anyway I have made a foray into a certain marque of car recently after many years or VWdom.

Now the actual cars are great but unlike the VW crowd who were pretty easy going on the whole, Im struggling to suss out what these people will make of my interpretation of they type of car.

I met a Club member this Sunday and I made a point of introducing myself, Now don't get me wrong She was a nice Lady, but she smacked of someone trying too damn hard ay the Zany thing.

Oh look at me and my funny car how mental Am I , Im barking I am.

This struck me as sad and desperate.

I have mates and they don't try to be Odd or quirky they just are like that.

I find this endearing there is no trying  and LOOK at me , Its 100% them no faking.

The problem with the above person , is this is the third member I have met from said club and its all the same.
Strikes me as Needy and Kills an Cool they have.

Its like hanging out with your Mother in law and only slightly less embarrassing than hanging out the back of your Mother in law (at a guess, Im not from Norfolk)
I don't mean to be like this but its suddenly Whoah what the fuck is wrong with you Matey..

I am not under any delusions I am on the pulse any more, I am not down with the Kids (Probably for the Best if Operation Yew tree is to be taken into account)

Im not that sure I have ever been.

So My synopsis in short as I am sure you are getting bored now...

Cool has No age, It is subjective, There are Old dudes that are cooler than I will ever be, and there are some sad young fucks.

but what the fuck do I know anyway?


*So then a footnote about Band teeshirts ...These Must and I mean MUST be purchased at a Gig and NEVER from Primark etc.

They are earned in the pit and then fighting your way to the merch stand afterwards.

I Like the Ramones, I like the Pistols I would never wear either as I have never seen them Live.
I have seen CARDIACS lots of times , I have lots of Cardiacs tees. I have seen PWEI a few times I have PWEI Tees...I also own a Neds Teeshirt ...I don't wear that Much.
These are the rules.

Laterzzz
M 

Censorship Its a Load of ***** ****

Interesting times we are living in, It seems every year we end with less freedom.

...and the mental thing is it gets sold to us as a good thing.

We have this wonderful internet thing, and it is a great tool, Its a learning tool, its a communication tool, its something we can all enjoy with freedom, uncensored.

I can say words like Cunt and fuck without pretty much any recourse, and as you have noticed to read this you need to press a button that says yes I am an adult, and yes there may well be rude words in and out of Context.
PISSFLAPS!

Recently in the media, there was talk of a police investigation with arrests over something said over the internet.
Now I'm not going to go into details, but things were said people got upset and the Po Po  were called.

Now I'm guessing that person felt shocked enough to call the Police and that's fair enough.

Does the whole lot need Nannying as a result though?

There is also talk of Nonces, Noncing on the internet, now I will be the first to admit that ain't good.

However making everyone tell their internet provided that you may intend on viewing stuff that although perfectly legal  ( OBVIOUSLY Not including Illegal stuff like Peado, beastiality cruelty or anything really wrong etc) might make the Vicar frown.

So the reasoning behind this censorship? pretty much its down to protecting Kids, so that they cannot see stuff that will affect them (Well that's their excuse).

Am I missing something here?

Is there not the capability on each and every computer to add a parental lock and filter, and for Fucks sake, ITS THE INTERNET it is not a replacement babysitter for Diddums .

A responsible parent, Should ...
A/ Be keeping at least a quiet Eye on what Diddums is Looking at.
B/ Should not be expecting the world to pretend the Vicar is round for tee just in case Diddums gets nosy.

Content locks work, As an adult trying to fox one for shits and Giggles on a College course (Shared computer in a Classroom, I was a mature student ...More immature though) They can be a pain in the Arse.
They work in other words.

Sweary filters at work, can work too.

Try typing in Scunthorpe and you will get S****horpe in some cases.

So on a local level the tech is there and I am guessing easy to install.

Why do I think the government want to really do this?

The internet is unregulated It is the last Freedom, and Politicians don't like us to have Freedom (They Like the Old School Tie to rule all areas, Preferably tied Tightly to the wardrobe door while they Thrap away...did I just type that? you betya)
They don't like us having access to something we can talk freely on any given subject, We may even talk freely about what we think of them without recourse.

In recent years we have seen and been subject to gagging orders, Twitter content has lead to prosecution.
We can all think it, we can all mutter it around the coffee machine at work, but woe betide we write it on the Internet.
Rumour has it every time we communicate via an electronic device we are monitored on a passive level, there are trigger words, One is a B word, it has 4 letters, and it goes bang for instance.
Say that word or others and electronic ears prick up at somewhere like Goonhilly and someone starts listening in / Looking at your content.
Paranoia? Dunno the people who know ain't exactly going to tell us if it is true are they?

Now to a degree I am sorta cool with this, If it stops nutbars flying flying Planes into buildings then that is OK.

But what is that tech gets abused? Signing up to view adult content I feel is the thin end of the wedge, Signing up to that will give them a reason enough to monitor you
What is considered Adult content? Way too many variables to define it
.
That ain't Cool.

You must also remember that the Government is in Bed with the Church (Allegedly, They MAY also have a bit of a rep for unsavoury stuff in some cases, So they May also benefit from keeping our mouths shut)
It's bad That there are kiddy fiddling Sites, It is bad there is Abuse and cruelty sites. AGREED!!!??!
Mentioning Pervs and Abusers in the same Paragraph as the Church is purely coincidental...Honest.
but what would you rather, Have Sickos somewhere the Authorities cab sniff them out? Or drive them further underground where they will struggle?
No Brainer really.

Bottom line.
Im an ADULT, I can decide what's suitable for me to see and read, and if I stumble across something I don't like I just Shrug, remember im an ADULT, Click back and look elsewhere.
The Internet is a Diverse and big old place place, Long may that continue.

Peace out
M

 
 

The Circus commeth to town, and the Clowns are running the show.

Just a Short one tonight Its too Bloody hot but I need to spill

Ever wake up one morning and think Hmm what am I in for today?
Ever think with this many Clowns around me surely I have accidentally run away with a Circus?

Yup welcome to the world of Mark

Some of the stuff I see beggars belief

Today for example I was repairing and painting the front of a reception desk.
I had a paint roller in my hand, I was painting with it, I had caution wet paint signs everywhere.
I had 3 people  try to lean against said desk while I did it.

Each time I Said MIND THE  WET PAINT to them.

The replies in order were "Errr?" "You what!" and  "Where?"

You have not Lived until you have seen the dimness of the general public at large.

Obviously not you Dear Reader, but some of the people wasting oxygen on this Planet need to be reported on to be believed.

If you see a lift with Keep out Barriers around it, and Cuttons covered with Out Of Order signs.
Do You?
A/ Think perhaps I will take the Stairs?
B/ Push the barrier to one side, Step into the lift, Pull off the out of order sign and Press Buttons Franticly just incase it was all a lie?

Lots of  People think B is the answer.

Whats the worst that could happen eh!

As an aside If ever you get trapped in a lift never shout and swear at the person attempting to rescue you.
We tend to fuck off for a Cuppa till you calm down if you do that.

Talking of Lifts its not just the Public that lacks the Busfare sometimes.

Sometimes you get an attack of common sense from within the upper ranks.

Just the other day I was requested to repair a non functioning disabled Toilet.

I was about to interject the requestee however he was In an "I know best mood Get it done pronto" Mood so I just buckled down and did it.

I saw him later and Told him Said Disabled Loo was now in Tip top working Order.
and...
All that needed to happen now was the Lift engineer to order the parts to fix the decommissioned lift leading to said Disabled Toilet.

Three weeks later...Still no Lift.

So Disabled people have Heart if you do manage to negotiate 2 Flights of Stairs crawling via your teeth if needed the Toilet at the top of them works.
OK?
The Mind Boggles
 

Laters
M

There are some Filthy Fuckers about...and the real reason public facilities are put out of order.

I have had better days...As some of you may Know or not. I do Buildings Maintenance these days. 

Trust me I may no longer be a Cleaner, but I do still end up getting involved in the less savoury end of the General Publics activities.

 

Today for example I was unblocking a Disabled Toilet some helpful Punter decided to flush Nappies or what ever the fuck you call the adult ones .
Plunger said NO.
Couldn't access the rodding eye without risking a backup in the pipes blowing up on me.

Simple Physics said If I didn't empty the pipe first the pressure would mean I got very messy as soon as I undid the Bolts.

Cutting back to the bone, there would be no way of avoiding the Tsunami of Faecal matter hitting me, and very possible in the face.
 So I picked the 'safe' Option and got busy with the wetvac.
Now due to the unique way the company is funded this thing is knackered, with a loose pipe etc.

I have a Cleaner at the ready in case it goes badly wrong, and for a bit of moral support really in these situations.
 So there I am sucking away when the pipe decides to come loose.
Top end of the pipe is lodged down the pan and not going anywhere.
So I let go of this end and jam the other end of the pipe back in its hole.
This causes a surge making the other end of the pipe to rear up out of the Pan like a Cobra.
and the liquid pressure to simultaneously drop in the now lunging towards me pipe.
You can guess the rest.
Not a moment I care to repeat ever again.

I got covered in Wet Sewage purely cos someone decided to be a Thoughtless Cunt.

I would say 80% of the plumbing jobs I get involved with are due to someone Blocking Toilets up either from Ignorance or on Purpose.

Would you feed your Toilet at home any of the above items and then try to Flush them.

An entire Toilet roll, either rolled up still or just unravelled and jammed to the top.

A Coke Can.

Drugs paraphernalia and Sharps.

A Whiskey Bottle.

Or any number of misc unflushable items you dropped down there accidentally and decided you no longer required them.

 

Thought not.

 

So anyway earlier this week I had the need to close some other Toilets for repair due to one of the above Blockages.

 

How did the Public deal while I was taking one for team?

 

Did they look for alternative facilities? Well sort of...If you mean by Getting shouty at me before Pissing and curling one out in the Quieter corners of said Centre them yes they did.

 

Going back to the House analogy, If I visited these peoples houses to find their Toilet was not working would I be justified in Curling one out in the Kitchen Sink?

Or would I just hold out make my excuses and carefully go towards the next available facilities.

 

The thing is the Public just don't get this, If you were to ask any of the facilities team why something is out of order we tend to spare you the details.

 

We will put up signs with nice ambiguous things on them like . "This Facility is Closed for Essential Maintenance" or Closed for cleaning, and If pressed by the Public then we might even tell you there has been a Flood /Incident etc and Its closed over health and safety Grounds.

Why? Well you don't really want to know it closed cos some scuzzy fucker decided to Block the Toilet with Paper, Shit on the Seat and then smear it up the walls (It happens more than you would imagine... there are some right dirty bastards about)

 

If something is broken its cos someone before you Broke it.

If something is dirty its cos someone made it dirty.

 

I have seen Cleaners get Bollockings over this loads of times.

They Clean and check the Toilets once an Hour There is no reason they would walk away without doing this or providing you with somewhere sanitised and something to wipe your arse on, No seriously they DO!

 

 

but if they Clean it and someone decides to make a 'Bold statement' in there  just afterwards.

You walk in and see it , before storming off to the nearest Member of Staff to complain.

Or if you are really enraged you demand to see the Boss man.

 

So they clean up some pretty inhuman shit, and then they get Bollocked about it.

 

Not really on is it?

Please have a think before you go into one.

 

By all means tell us there is a Problem, Please do. It helps us sort stuff out if we know about it, but bear this in mind.

99 times out of 100 Its not the Cleaner/Maintenance Guys being Lazy (and trust me we really do put up with some real nasty things to clear up and repair) Its some scuzzy fucker being scuzzy.

 

Trust me I do not spend my day Blocking Toilets,Wiping shit about and Breaking stuff,and neither do the Cleaners. Cos funnily enough, I am too busy unblocking the things and fixing stuff to make myself more work to do.

 

Maybe I need some laminated Signs to put up saying "Closed while I clean up after some inconsiderate piece of Shit"

 

anyway if anyone was missing the Blog of the Bog I hope you have got the fix fer now.

I seem to have reverted to default.

 

Peace out and neither a Scuzzy Fucker or Complainer be.

Laterzzz

M

 

 

 

  

  

The higher the Tree the less it hurts when you fall from it.& What your Boss dont want you to Know...

Well it makes sense really, fall from the bottom branch it will hurt like fuck, fall from the top one even if it hurts it wont hurt for long...

This post is not about falling from trees but it's a tie in (If a crap one... hey its been a Hot day and I have been somewhat fried at work today) so it will do to start the theme for tonight.

Bankers, Politicians...
What do they and many others at the top of the tree have in common?

Well lets see...

They are at the top of the tree, and argue as much as you like they get paid a good chunk of money for essentially working for us (Apparently in our best interests)

They will argue (They fucking love arguing) that they deserve top Dollar as they are the best in their field.

They all have Jobs with lots of big responsibilities that is a given.

I would guess you have some big responsibilities too.

Maybe you have a Mortgage, Rent, Mouths to feed and Clothe like most of us?

There is a however a hell of a difference between being at the top and bottom of the tree.

If a cleaner for example fucks up badly, chances are its a little something in the paypacket that week.

A P45 and a don't come back.

At the bottom of the Chain you don't really get that much of a Golden Handshake , It really is more of a Golden Arsekick .

Cleaning companies whether they admit it or not employ misfits very much on purpose (I can say this I was one) Without trying to upset anyone they all tend on the whole to consist of Migrants, Students, People with criminal records, People with not much in the way of qualifications, and surprise surprise the desperate.

Work out for yourself what category you think I was...

Cutting it back to the bone, as someone who has interviewed  people for cleaning in the past myself.
(I have been both Monkey and Organ owner remember)
I would start with an informal chat. Just to suss out what made them tick. I would ask them If they had cleaned before (99% of the time they said yes and I would say 30% actually came across as they really had)
Check the documents, Take a Photocopy of them, fill out the form and Congratulations you start Monday.
You could easily spend ages looking to find out background checks but chances are you will find a fly in that ointment.
I gave up all that shit and based my interview purely on first impression. (Would I talk with this person on a social level? If yes they got the Gig)
So If they do turn up Monday and chances are they don't anyway (Fast turnover you see, Its nearly always a stopgap), Chuck em a Uniform, a mop, and hope to fuck they do a goodish job, and not make you look like a Cunt... or turn out to be a serial killer when Personnel start digging.
(The number of times I ended up being a personal reference for complete strangers just to get someone in and past Personnel, but I digress)

So why do Cleaning firms employ Misfits? On the Most part they will take being dicked about for Bottom Dollar.
Sorry to say this but it is the truth.
Bosses love this , I am Not a Cunt like that mind, That's why I stopped being the Organ owner.

I am a Mostly a People person and I fucking hate seeing other people being dicked over by the Man .

In fact this is one of the main reasons I went from Cleaning Area Supervisor (Big area about 200 Cleaners) back to being a Cleaner... I have a conscience.
but anyway at the Bottom of the chain, if you need to cutback people get Managed out. They get Fired 9 times out of 10 over trumped up petty shit.
The official line, You are bad at your job (It happens sometimes, but not that often, See above)

The unofficial line, a Manager would get told to single someone out and chew their arse till they gave up.
This happens Loads.

They get the 3 strikes and Out system as is required by law.
When they come in for the final Bollocking they will either go mental at you
(Gross Misconduct BINGO that's exactly what they want!) or are worn down so much they say fuck it and leave.

If you are reading this as someone going through the Mincer from a Boss, Do me a favour work harder and better than before, Give that person no possible reason to fire you, Just SUCK ARSE until they give up, BOSSES FUCKING HATE THIS it drives them Batshit as it makes you a really difficult Target.

Anyway as I was saying at the bottom of the chain when its bye-bye time you will get the square route of fuck all when your time is up.

This sucks and needs to change.

But what of those at the top of the pile?

Banker/MP fucks up (say the economy for example) Big handshake and a Bung More than enough to tide them over for the rest of their natural lives in a comfy manner.

Now hang on here.

Due to the responsibility and the board shoulders they need to have, they get a big Paypacket

This I can deal with , Fair enough If you are good at something that's is highly important then you deserve that Bonus, you deserve that Big house, The Nice cars and an Island in the Caribbean.


Fair play you are looking after all our shit and we are in safe hands.

Until the day you fuck up badly that is.

and when you do Fuck up it hurts everyone, People will lose their Jobs, some will get the Cleaners retirement Package I mentioned earlier to save costs I:e ...FUCK ALL!

These people will get into debt, lose all they have worked hard for, Car, House, Savings etc.

This has been many peoples reality.

So exactly why do these people deserve a Payoff?
Why does one person get gravel and broken bottles ,the other a parachute and a nice fluffy quilt to land on?

Both human beings as far as I am aware?
So
Fucked it I know?
All I do know it is wrong diddly wrong
I don't purport to have the answers, however I hope I have got you asking questions.
Anyway
Laters

M 

What ever happened to being Thick?

I left School many years back and The system had just about given up getting through to me by this time.
When I left...

I could not get my head around times tables.

I could not spell for shit.

I could no more co-ordinate myself to catch a ball than I could fly the bleeding Space Shuttle.

Grammar, spelling and punctuation were an absolute mystery.

Computing was something that the speccy cunts in the upper ranking classes got to play on.
The assumption was my Class would either try to fuck or eat a Computer unless there was a window to chuck it from.

Handwriting, Forget it. So you could read an English essay of mine alright if you had several weeks and an enigma machine to your disposal.

Butter it any way you like but I was a fucking Spanner and I knew it LMAO!

However these days there is a myriad of conditions that can be used to describe my uselessness.

The tip of the iceberg as coveralls like Dyslexia, Every fucker and their Dog is dyslexic these days.

I am not claiming you dear reader are not, but hardy anyone was dyslexic in the 1980s.

I may well be, although I cannot be arsed to look into it.

All is not lost though, it turns out there is also a myriad of ways to cover my shortcomings these days.

I am brought to you by the power of spellcheck and quite a bit of other software tonight, I don't need to write a damn thing with a pen either so you can read it.

Oh and computers, Even us thickys can use them now :D

They tell you what day it is , you don't need to code them or know your 7x tables to use them.

So it turns out the speccy cunts have...
A/ been quite clever.
B/ made a rod for their own back by making it more inclusive to chuckleheads like me.

Personally, I'm betting they are kicking themselves.



Its ok though I still cant Kick a Ball for toffee.

Laterzz
M    

Being an Adult, and the subtle art of blagging it.

Is anyone ever truly an Adult, Really?

Im 42 years young on this planet and let me try to convince you It is truly not possible.

I have met many people in those 42 years and on the surface most initially will give out that impression.

Some don't however (even if they try they fail in such a cataclysmic way you can count them straight out)
These people are dead easy to spot, they will be the ones ranting at you and each other over something trivial.  

They may well have the body of a Hod Carrier or be Sporting Savile row, but they have the reasoning of a Toddler that's just lost Teddy out the side of their Pushchair.

Anything you say will not Quell them, and unless you a contractually obliged to communicate with them Its best not to wait for Dum Dum and Blankie to be launched towards you.

Cross them off the list of Prospective Playmates, Promise to get them some Playdoh , and swiftly move on.

Then there is the Stirrers, they just sit there quietly, Just adding the elements and mixing peoples Personalities/Opinions until they split their personal Atom.

Go on admit it!
We have all done it at some point and it is fun ...if a bit childish.

The same thing that worked in the Playground works in the Boardroom, and if you are deft at it you can use it as an advantage to get what you want with clean hands.

Its still very childish, mind, and not all that nice.



But here I am, spinning away from my original point once more,I swear I have ADHD sometimes.  So time to chuck it back on track...

Everyone without exception is a big kid, I don't care if you are an Undertaker, Police officer,  MD of a company, Politician...Whatever.

I think as you move through Life you just pick up responsibilities... and then cover your childishness with thinly veiled justifications for your regression.

Driving a Hearse back from the Gig and decide to give it the beans. You are a big Kid.

Denial is futile , you do it, and I have seen it, end of.

Joined the Police Force, don't tell me the first time you ran a Red on Blues n Twos you didn't go Hell yeh and punch the Air, Even if only in your head.

MD on The Golf Course playing a round whilst 'networking'. Come on Fess up that sentence even had the word Playing In it  PLAYING, you PLAY Golf.

Politicians just scroll back to the bit about stirring, I ain't typing it again for you...

What of those parents among us? Surely you are grown up.

Well as someone who came downstairs to see a Scalextrics set on Christmas morning  as a kid I beg to differ.
Come on, The cars were still hot :D
You were checking it worked supposedly...

Parents are the biggest Kids of the lot.

Peace out
M

The Internet, Late nights, The joy of learning and the last Mini out the Factory

I have been pondering stuff today first of all due to the Power of communication I found out something a bit mad.

Right, I am not going to do a copy and paste and I am not going to just give you a link.

I will give you a Brief teaser of what I thing is a Pretty mad Story and a good example why The internet is compulsive.

...and why I struggle to get an early Night.

I am into Old cars, I like finding out about Old buildings, abandoned rusty stuff.
 It is my thing, Like some may like to sit beside a river with a Fishing rod, Or others like Getting a Metal Stick and whacking their tiny balls into the the next county Proudly telling anyone within Earshot How handicapped they are.

Neither Fishing or Golf are my thing, but hey this is my example so I reserve the right to talk in an animated fashion about the subject.

Occasionally I Look on Urban exploration sites, I like looking at pictures of decaying old buildings ,Factories and Funfair stuff Especially.

One day a while back I was on an UX forum just nosing and I saw Pictures of the former Austin Rover Plant.
Sadly the British car industry is on its arse and this was a casualty.

Parts of this vast factory were really old. It had a network of tunnels below it to help the workers get from one part to another during WW2 . It was perceived as quite a target for the Germans efforts at reconfiguring the area into something a bit flatter you see.

So there were quite a few Tunnels, and these Tunnels existed right up until the closed the factory.

In later years somehow or other a Gold 1275GT Mini ended up down one of these tunnels. If legend is to be believed... A factory worker went for a spin in it, Crashed it, and hid it there hoping no one would notice it gone.
Experts believe the car dates from 1974 and it ended its days with 11 miles on the Clock.

The car then gradually got looted and vandalised by workers who knew the secret until it was a battered shell.

and that's what I saw on this UX site.
Interesting story but it didn't end there, well it did for me for a year or so Cos I forgot about cool story or not.
It was a fun but none the less story that was going nowhere.

Well its not like anything was going to happen to it was It?

Wrong! there I was surfing for rusty old things last night and after reading about Spitfires buried in Crates, up popped the Mini again only this time it is being auctioned off soon.

What the? How? Why?

Guess what I went looking for next :D

I found all sorts on mini Forums, saw the arguments for and against its exhumation from the tunnel.
Saw Videos of it as found and as partially restored. and found out its frankly mad estimated auction value.

The Kudos of having the last mini to leave Longbridge is high apparently.

and with compelling reading like that a click away an early night is unlikely

So with that I'm off to look for interesting stuff.

Laterzzzz
M


.

Postman Pat Bins and Politics

Someone once wrote the phrase "It don't matter who you vote for the Government will still get in" and they were bang on the Money.

I cannot say hand on heart I trust any of the parties any further than I could throw them.

This poses a problem for me, To vote, and who for?  not to vote? or draw a Cock on a ballot paper (This however could be misconstrued as an allegiance to any of the Major parties mind)

Its a tricky one that's for sure the only thing I can see is a bunch of Headwanders feathering their own nests bitching at the opposing party,and Haemorrhaging money quicker than a Local Council before rinsing everyone for more.

Talking of Local councils how come we all get letter telling us that we will be fined for putting the Bins out too early.
...and then the Binmen merrily leave them scattered with the same Finesse as a Hurricane.

I swear today If Mine were any further from where I left them I would need to enter a different Postcode in a satnav to find them.

but If I were not to leave them in exactly the right place or dare to place the wrong item in them, they would refuse (see what I did there) to take them.

Following on, I am all for saving the planet but FFS they are bins not a filing system.

Talking of recycling those various Banks for disguarded items, Bottle banks, Shoe banks, Clothing banks, Book Banks.
Well they are not really banks are they, sure enough you put stuff in them , Like a bank.

But just see the looks you get with your arm wedged in the Book bank rooting around to see if there is any worth reading.

Apparently withdrawals are frowned upon.

Moving on swiftly...

There seems to be a lot of double standards going on in society in general these days.

Pubs need to be family friendly these days, Restaurants the same, you no longer will find an Ashtray in either, but you will be able to find a Highchair In just about any.

Kids are now welcome into what was recently a GROWNUPS environment. They are free to squawk, Screech , Scream their lungs out, and run around your legs while you attempt to sit and eat nice Quiet Meal.
 So a once grown ups world has been infiltrated.

but with the Shoe on the other foot. If you try as an Adult to get admission to the local soft play area for a go in the Ball pit they will refuse you blank.

and If you are in the Local shopping centre try squeezing yourself in the Postman Pat ride and see how long It takes for security to rock up?

I bet you don't get the money in the slot before being told you are not welcome.


Its a bit crap really

anyways

that's all for now

Peace Out

M

Media,Fame Imaginary friends and Fireworks

Are people getting thicker? or is it just me? (Yes I am well aware of what I have just typed).

I am well aware of the media playing tricks on everybody. They make people think stuff is Fact when its not necessarily so.
I'm pretty sure most of you realise this too.

So where am I going with this?

For example have you noticed everything on TV seems to be a product placement these days for starters.

Anything involving a phone vote X factor, B Listers on Ice The latest (Insert someone famous for Musicals) thinly veiled Grooming session. or some bunch of Cunts who are locked in a House/Jungle etc with cameras rolling.
The latter I am quite happy to have them locked up , just without the cameras Please.

You know the score "call 3 to vote for your favourite" Well Its all bleeding obvious this is run off people phoning in and wasting their phone bills.
Fair enough if people didn't watch this shit and didn't phone in they would stop doing it.

All harmless enough.

The thing that I have noticed recently is the BBC and ITV  to the same degree seem to be using News programmes as a way of cross pollination to advertise these and other shows.

and THAT is naughty.

News is News, It is supposed to be factual, it is supposed to be about shit that effects us.

Its not a trailer for Simon Cowells latest cash cow for the hard of thinking.

and spinning straight off at a tangent...

What is it with the types that enter these instant fame things?

I can see why they do it, I just disagree with the concept of drawing someone off the street with the concept of fame and fortune.
Here's a mike you are on telly, roll cameras.

How the fuck does that work, from Bathroom Mirror crooning into a Hairbrush ,to Primetime Telly.

They get their minute in the Sun, but the product is ultimately disposable.

I cant tell you who won last year, and fuck alone knows about before that.

Just maybe I'm an Old fart here, I try and avoid this shit like I avoid Getting Fisted by someone in Chainmail.

Very vigorously (Avoiding Both)

That firework song springs to mind, They Shine brightly for a few seconds and Poof .....Fizzle...GONE!

(Co incidentally I had a warped thought today if Suicide bombers Play that song to themselves before pulling the pin)
"Baby your a firework KABOOM!"

Yup I'm going to Hell...

I am fine with going to Hell by the way, I have seen the shiney eyed nutters that fuck up a Sunday lie in with Good news.

If heaven is full of this lot you can shove it up yer Arse.

Heaven is supposedly subjective anyway, and their Heaven sounds like Hell to me.

Behave all your life, just to go somewhere you will end up needing to behave again, Nope its not selling to me.
The thing is with these People...
They don't even seem to suss the juicy irony in them waking me up just to thrust a Propaganda leaflet in my hand with the catchy title "AWAKE!".

"Hrrummph I wasn't but I am now you cunt" 

Now don't get me wrong I have no truck with religion, Its not for me, but if it gets you thorough the day then great.  Stick your hands together bang the shit out of your tambourine and praise the Fucking Lord (Other imaginary friends are available)

Just don't Fuck up my Lie in :D

Laters
M

Testicle testicles 123

So here we are again, Long time no rant. I spose I should explain my long term absence to the world of blogging.
I was busy :D
So there you go, but fuck it I'm back now

Blog of the Bog is over, Sorry there is only so much mileage you can get out of toilet humour. Besides Im not a Cleaner anymore so I just don't have the material to offer you anymore.

However I offer you this instead The Rantyliner, Why Rantyliner? Its a sort of play on words , I like ranting, and to the casual observer would appear to be that I am on the blob

What will I write about? Anything that takes my fancy ,That's the beauty of a new format.

When will I write it? When I can be arsed.

Will It involve corse language typos cuss words?  FUCK YES! You bet yer dead Granny's dry old Cunt it will!

So Peace out for now and stay tuned

Nuff Love
Mark